In 2022, I lost my oldest son. He died by suicide when he was 18.

It felt like my life and my brain were split in two. There was The Time Before and The Time After. The person from The Time Before had interest, memories, and skills that the person in The Time After no longer cared about or valued. I was living in someone else's body and someone else’s life.

Over time, those two selves have become more integrated. My long-standing interests have resurfaced, but along with different priorities. Performance and the principles behind it are still a focus, but they’re secondary to what I’ll eventually leave behind.

For me, that’s writing. That’s why this site exists.